Misunderestimated. (femslashqueen) wrote in tww_words,

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Confoosion of Styles

Title: A Decision Made
Fandom: The West Wing
Author: Femslashqueen
Rating: PG-13
Character: Mandy
Archive: If you tell me where
Spoilers: None
Written for: tww_words May Challenge - Choice
A/N: Something that started off as a stream of Consciousness, not sure where it ended up but I still like it.

We all make choices and admittedly some of mine are not the best, I have always been the type of person that makes decisions out of anger, in the heat of the moment, I know I have a tendency to piss people off, that’s probably why I have never had a relationship that has lasted more six months, ever, or maybe that is a choice, maybe I sabotage my relationships to keep things interesting, I hate being in one place for too long, I transferred colleges every year, could never, still can’t get comfortable in one place. I left a job at the white house five years ago because I was bored.

I am very lucky that I’m easily employable, employers are always after people with my skills; I have a PhD after all. I sometimes regret that I made the choice not to have kids and a husband but I think it would drive me up the wall, I’m not the most maternal person in the world, I like kids and everything, I just don’t think I have the patience required to be a good mother. I would get bored with a husband; I am bored with men, period right now.

I keep fantasizing about the girls in the classes I lecture, that is what I’m doing now, teaching political science to undergrads at UCLA, I wonder what it is like to have sex with a woman, I have been wondering about that for years but now at 40 I am having the constant urge to act on the fantasy, not with a college student of course, but this is what I want right now, I am going to do it, I’m going to try a relationship with a woman. I wonder is this is a choice made out desperation, or if it could be the start of something I have never had.
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